Friday, March 23, 2012

Empty handed

She said she had been in theatre before. I never asked, but I assumed with some kind of puppets kind of thing. We sat down to dinner at this little place and she picked out a Sancerre and it was crisp and fresh and alive and everything was jumpy in a good way. She made gestures with her hands. Small around and sometimes kind of quick. I remember the first time she made a circle with her two front fingers, one on each side, and then pulling them out straight for a line across the bottom. She said it was a sun rising in the sky. I had thought it was a heart and maybe it was that too.

We stayed together a lot afterwards. I put my jacket on her when it was cold and we were outside at a place on a corner, no block from the wind. She held her hands close with one palm wrapped inside the other and I put my arm around her and we were alright. She had the waiter pour for us a brandy and there was a warmth there that I hadn't expected. She cupped my glass in her hands.

It had been only a few days but it didn't matter. "Something ripe" she said and handed me a full tulip. It was red and I didn't ask too much about it maybe because I didn't need to. Or else didn't think to. She reached out to grasp something in the air in my direction. I smiled a smile that curved up on one side only. I didn't pause much further and neither did she.

I had said some things and maybe they could have been alright to say but they weren't and we both knew it. She opened up something to get our thoughts thinking onto something else. Caramel. Shrill. Wasted. Premox. She didn't reach for another bottle. There was the gesture of the first circle with the two fingers, and the line underneath, but this time it seemed like the circle was falling down to the floor. I left pretty soon after and she didn't say much about it.

I heard later that she was living with a guy from West Campus. After some while there was news of a marriage, but I never was told too much around that.

Probably it took some time to realize I had never asked her about the wines. What they were. I hadn't noticed. And in more than one way I had missed what she was trying to tell me.

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