Monday, December 24, 2012

The unfinished blog posts of 2012, number smurf: The Lord of Large Format

Many times I start a blog post, and for whatever of several thousand reasons, never finish it. But rather than let these rough gems continue to languish in neglect, I've decided to share them with you in the remaining days of 2012. These are the unfinished blog posts of 2012. Today is the Large Format Smurf piece. This piece started with a joke: what if you remembered that the name of one of the biggest wine bottle sizes was also the name of a rarely mentioned character from a cartoon everybody used to watch as a kid? Wouldn't that be amusing? And then that joke was continued with another joke: what if you tried to have a straight wine interview with a guy who is solely obsessed with his hatred of smurfs? Wouldn't the failure to communicate with each other be kind of funny? Well, I thought so. Problem was, I couldn't think of the third joke that I needed to keep the piece going. Seemed sorta like the guy was just going to keep talking about smurfs, and the other guy was going to continue to ask wine questions. I think then I got bored. Luckily, the post never got that far, so it never did get boring. Enjoy.

Recently, I've been opening up a lot of big bottles of wine. Pretty much every day I'm cracking open a magnum or jeroboam bottle from somewhere or other. A lot of people think that wines generally drink better from large format, but is it that just an unproved assumption? Is it really true that big bottles produces better glasses of wine? To find out once and for all, I spoke with the King of the Big Bottles, The Maestro of the 12L, Lord Balthazar.


Levi with an i: Well, Lord Balthazar, you know more than just about anyone when it comes to the subject of large format bottles. What would you say are the reasons that they are considered superior over the smaller, 750ml sized bottles?

Balthazar: I will get you, you little sniveling Smurfs! I will get you all!!

Levi: Uh, I'm sorry, what was that? Did we catch you at a bad time, Sir?

Balthazar: Smurfing in my smurf were they! Well, they'll be smurfing in the belly of my Moat Monster soon enough, they will!

Levi: Gee, uh, well, we could come back later...

Balthazar: [...and that's where we ended. Probably he would have said something about smurfs]

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