Wednesday, December 26, 2012

The unfinished blog posts of 2012, number wuh?: What were you saying to get laid in 1999 and 2012?

Many times I start a blog post, and for whatever of several thousand reasons, never finish it. But rather than let these rough gems continue to languish in neglect, I've decided to share them with you in the remaining days of 2012. These are the unfinished blog posts of 2012. Today's post is one that I wrote about getting laid. And that's probably why I didn't post it before. These days wine folks are often annoyed by the suggestion that drinking wine and talking about wine are somehow related to getting laid. Like, not cool. As if it were not at all appropriate, and certainly not how wine should be discussed. Terroir shamans and angelic farmers who know the bounds of morality because they work the earth's soil in ancient lands with their own hands. That is where the focus is. Which is actually fine by me. But I think there is something to be said for talking about fucking sometimes, too. So here is a post about wine, lines, and getting laid. Enjoy.

Well, it is time for the year end wrap up post. Goodbye last year. I thought I would close out 2012 by sending out a short survey to friends of mine, asking them to divulge their best technique for getting over in the last year with their technique in 1999, which was the first year that I started working as a sommelier. My thinking on this was simple: what we say to get laid doesn't really define us, it defines a moment. What have the changes been? I've gone ahead and listed the answers below. These are straight up cut and paste from the emails, there's been no editing. You can be assured that if Vick exists, that this is what he said. What were you saying in '99? In 2012? Spill in the comments!

Brian (then: party planner, now: web consultant)
1999: "I used to get Glow Sticks and move my hands around a lot."
2012: "I get a bottle of Pet Nat and try not to shake it around too much."

Arthur (then: hedge funder, now: Singapore Savings & Loan)
1999: "I told people that I was buying a winery in Napa."
2012: "I tell people that I won't drink any 1990s vintage from Napa."

Bill (then: urban planner, now: renewable resource and green spaces designer)
1999: "I used to stock the fridge to the top with Australian Shiraz and yellow label."
2012: "Loire reds make up most of my go-to's. Canadian Cab Franc also works in a pinch. And Pierre Peters for everyday."

Raphael (then: graduate student, now: graduate student)
1999: "I would quote Derrida in the original French."
2012: "I find reciting Chauvet to be the better panty dropper these days."

Tre (then: real estate agent, now: foreclosure and title specialist)
1999: "I told this girl I would Micro-Ox her orange juice in the morning."
2012: "I talk about how I'll lay some sherry flor over the top of our juice solera and that really gets things going."

Nate (then: assistant captain, now: sommelier)
1999: "I would correct some other random dude's pronunciation of Petrus. No one really knew how to say it anyway, so whatever I said ended up sounding right."
2012: "I correct some other wannabe's pronunciation of Houillon."

Vick (then: bartender, now: mixologist)
1999: "I got my girl a customized bottle of Maker's Mark with her name on it."
2012: "I named a negroni after her. Cask aged Bitters! That stuff is the jam."

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