Monday, January 21, 2013

In which I interview myself about my new Eater piece

Levi: So, today a piece you wrote for Eater was published on that popular website. How did all that come about? What's the back story?

Levi: Well, the way it happened, they asked me to do the piece and then after that I said I would do it. I'm pretty sure that was the correct order. I didn't think about the answer to your question much until you asked it, though, so maybe I just need some more...well, maybe I am kinda sure that was the order. They asked and then I said something back. Something that probably sounded kind of like yes, or, or, well, it was probably yes. Yes.

Levi: Very exciting! And what did you tell them after you took the job? What did you say to win them over?

Levi: I'm pretty sure I said "Thank you." Though possibly I said "thanks." Sometimes I'm more casual like that. It really depends on how I am reading the moment. Reading the moment is very important to me. Very important. Like right now my read is that it is important to stress how important it is to me, so I am doing that right now.

Levi: So tell us about the piece that you wrote. What is it about?

Levi: Well we cover new restaurant wine lists in New York City. Places that I would recommend people go to get a glass of wine. Or a bottle of wine. Or two bottles of wine. It is hard for me to judge what is the right quantity for each guest would be, honestly. Like my Aunt Sally can drink two bottles of wine no problem, like no problem at all, does it all the time, but her husband Leroy would be swatting at flies even after half a glass of Chianti and this would be like in Pennsylvania during the winter when there really aren't even any flies around to be swatting, and it was just a weird feeling to be there and watch him do that, you know? Because he would. So for him I guess I wouldn't really be able to say how much I think he should drink but maybe a little less? Unless there were flies out, in which case it might be helpful. Uhm, so I guess maybe I don't know. Some people are more sensitive to flies. It's important to acknowledge that. Like we all have feelings. And maybe flies have feelings too, and...

Levi: Ok, but let me interrupt here for a moment, because outside of the whole quantity issue, and also the fly concerns, which sound fascinating, you do recommend to people which restaurants to go to. And how did you go about doing that?

Levi: Well, I gave the address. I mean, I thought that would be the simplest way, and everything. I don't want to take the fun out of it, or anything, I mean, it's cool if you want to explore and stuff, but sometimes an address is nice, right? I mean I guess you could ignore it if you don't want it to be there. Like if a correct address just isn't your thing. I would get that. I mean, we all would. We definitely all would. Like we all have our feelings, and...

Levi: Right, an address, of course. But what I really meant was, which criteria did you use to decide on the restaurants in the piece?

Levi: Always interrupting! Well, I'll tell you what, if think you are so smart, why don't you go ahead and tell me the answer! Who do you think you are, anyway?

Levi: Hmm...


Jesse said...

Can we expect to hear an I'll Drink to That podcast featuring this Levi Dalton character?

Anonymous said...

This sort of thing went very poorly for Clint, you know.