Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Orange alert: is new marketing needed?

Two years ago Orange wines were popular in New York and wine lists with Orange were popping up downtown everywhere. Now what? Well, the Orange revolution seems to have stalled. Like anything, this must be a marketing problem, right? I thought I would provide some new slogans for some of my favorite Orange wines. Maybe these will help. See for yourself.

Gravner: Georgia on My Mind plays in the background while Josko, wearing black sunglasses, taps the rim of a large amphora with his fingers like he is playing the piano.

Movia: Ales appears onscreen, dressed as an astronaut. "When Lunar lands in your glass it is one small sip for man, and one giant leap for Slovenia!" he says, as he plants a flag on a street in midtown Manhattan.

Coenobium: A long camera shot of the cloister, no noise, everything is quiet, and then a nun appears in full habit: "If you want a spiritual embrace, come here. If you want skin contact, drink our wine."

Edi Kante: Dancing girls, a happy jingle, and then the banner comes bouncing out on to the screen "You Kante go wrong with Edi! No, no, no you Kante!"

Dettori: On a freeway, cars zipping by on both sides at high speed, and then the driver slows down and takes the off-ramp. The off-ramp is lined on either side with giant concrete eggs as far as the eye can see. The camera goes closeup on the "Take a detour to Dettori!" green freeway sign.

Radikon: Stanko looks straight into the camera in close up, then deadpans "I am as serious as hell about great wine, and that is no jakot!" Then he laughs hysterically as the camera cuts away.

COS: Repeated shots of a handsome man sitting at a table at a cafe as he stumbles over the pronunciation of COS, to the confusion of the waiter. He says the letters together like Cos in Cos d'Estournel. He says the letters one by one in English. He says the letters one by one in Italian. He indicates the letters by pulling at his eye and making other Sicilian style gestures with his hand. And then the waiter, an older man, turns to the camera and says "How you say COS is not so important, but how you drink it is!"

Vodopivec: Mr. Vodopivec, tired of waiting a year for his Georgian amphora, decides to make them himself, at home, with the help of his wife. Basically this scene ensues:

What do you think? I'm trying to add a little color. Have any ideas to contribute? Please do so in the comments.


Charles Prusik said...

Ancarani: Jan d'Amore walks through a black and white New York cityscape wearing bright orange pants. Soundtrack - Orange Crush R.E.M.

La Stoppa: A stunning woman steps out of the entry-way of a modest villa. She gazes into the camera over half-lowered Gucci sunglasses and says "Nice to malvasia."

Alfonso Cevola said...

Cornelissen: In his youth, Frank saw a horse break its leg, after which it was shot and put out of its misery. Years later, he wanders into a dance marathon about to begin in the shabby Catania Ballroom, perched over the Ionian Sea. He is recruited by MC Rocco as a substitute partner for a cynical malcontent named Gloria when her original partner is disqualified due to an ominous cough.

Oenophilosopher said...

Massa Vecchia Ariento: a teen of gaunt, sinewy nature cowers, sunken shouldered near a wall of cinder for fear of pelted fruit. Bruised pears and burst citrus lay at his ankles and a woman, only mature enough to not be called a girl, walks past the bullying lobs and pulls the boy up by the shoulders; she slaps his cheek and holds her hand against it long enough for him to feel the warmth and smell the scent of orange blossom and be reminded that pain is just a slightly more intense feeling than pleasure.

Anonymous said...

Oenophilosopher: I hope you write often.