Sunday, December 23, 2012

How Sommeliers used to talk before they were called Somms

"Oh, yeah? Well, I've got some things to say about that..."
I was reading the piece about Somm speak in the Times today and I was struck by how tame it all sounded. I remember back in the 90s, when I first got started in the business, there was a little more party in the lingo. More zingers. Judge for yourself. I've recalled a few lines below.

"More sequels than Rocky": regular customer

"Holly Golightly is in the powder room": there is a woman doing coke in the bathroom

"Fredo is in the bathroom": there is a dude with two women in the restroom

"Let's call up Foxwoods and tell 'em who we have here": this guy thinks he is a big player, but he is small time

"Extra strawberries for that one": this guy doesn't know anything about Champagne

"Don't dirty the jigger": extra big pours for these guys, they know how to tip

"This guy can say Grgich": dude knows about wine

"Mimosas, well done": Put some extra OJ in the mimosas

"Paulie thinks it's leap year": the waiter screwed up his schedule and didn't know it was his shift today

"He says Meritage both ways": wants another bottle, but something different this time

"Call me 'Big Worm'": Sommeliers wanted to be called Big Worm back then, because of the movie Friday

"The barber has got the shakes": somebody needs a drink so they can settle down

"Couple of nurses looking for a doctor": prostitutes

"A blizzard just came in the door": a coke dealer is trying to make connections at the bar

"Only drinks Versace": likes a full bodied white with a gold color

"We got our busser from the Dave Matthews band": he crashes into people

"Auntie Chianti": she doesn't care what she drinks

"They're on the Atkins diet": no, really, people used to be on the Atkins diet

"Wants squid ink with her pasta": wants a big red wine

"Only drinks unleaded": wants a fruity wine

"Has a Mick Jagger tongue": this gentleman has a good palate

"It's a Peter Michael type evening": A bottle of Chardonnay and a bottle of Cabernet for that table

"No, the other really big glasses": there used to be a lot of confusion about glassware back then

"I'd like a Red Breast and a Dry Sack": this was just a funny thing to say

"Johnny Two Times": tells you the stories about every wine he's ever had, and tells them to you twice

"You can't do that on Television": a wine you can't put on the list because you can't get any more of it

"Doesn't sing Edith Piaf": wants an American wine

"Going Deep Space Nine": wants to explore

"If he's a doctor then he's not a dentist": has bad breath

"He just got back from Havana": this guy smokes cigars, all the wine is going to taste the same anyway

"Roy Orbison, Jr.": dude dressed in all black (more common then)

"We do have a couple guys from Kenya, though": we don't have a Sommelier (sounds like Somalian) working here

"Wants a bottle of the Red Chardonnay": confused people trying to order wine

"Parker Lewis Can't Lose": Buys on Parker scores

"Says the little line over the e in Fume": has odd pronunciations for wines

"They ordered Lipton Extra Brut": they want unsweetened ice tea

"Wants to be Huge Johnson": this guy is trying to look like a big shot with the wine order

"Only talks to the bald presidents": Pays with hundred dollar bills

"Wants the Heineken vineyard": forget it, he drinks beer

"She's on the soundtrack to Friends": has an annoying laugh

What do you think? Have some more to add from your own days working the floor? Please do so in the comments.


adam said...

Had a woman tell me she "didn't know Pinot Noir came in red" so lately we've taken to asking each other for recommendations on red Pinot Noir when a table is clueless.

Anne P. said...

There is a PN white,right here in Ontario, so watch it buddies....

Jim Rollston said...

"Do you know why they call it Sea Smoke?" guy wants to show off how much he knows about bad wines...

Thanks Chase - miss ya!

Anonymous said...

thanks for share...

christo said...

"Flavor Allergy on table X" means 'vodka soda' at cocktail bar.